When Autumn comes, it doesn´t ask,

        It just walks in where it left you last.  You never know when it starts until there’s fog inside the glass around your summer heart.

 ~ JM ~ "Something’s Missing


I can’t sleep.  I haven't for a while now been able to rest well.  I'm trying to fix it.  But time is flying by and it’s still a little strange in my head to need a scarf and hat.  It's not that I'm unsettled, rather that I'm squeezing a lot from my time lately.  I´m sorry to have been out of touch.

I have been recently trying to employ a sense of betterment into my actions and myself very little by little.  It started when I asked the coat check girl at Swing 46 what she was reading, and she gave me the book that she just finished.  When I said I could just pick it up on my own, she smiled and told me that this book had sincerely changed her outlook and the only right thing to do was to share it.  In this book, the Dalai Lama writes of a simple philosophy of kindness and that every day, in one's own mind and heart, we can foster a real sense of religion and help us to live to our potential of love and compassion.

I am still working on the very first step, which is to simply observe the mind, to see its true luminous and clear nature, so that we might rid ourselves of conditions that cloud it, or at least see them for what they are.  But every time I try to not think of things past and future, my mind becomes filled with music and truly, I am dancing on the inside.  I'm not sure if that is what the Dalai Lama means.  So I haven't moved on to the next step yet :=)

As time beats forward, it seems urgent- I have found a new sense of responsibility for my own happiness and wellbeing.  Being in the city, something fascinating and something terrible is always happening. I like that the city is helping me to learn and grow, but that its sense of newness hasn't yet diminished as I feel more and more like home here.  I hope I am in this phase for a while.  Little and big things give me a sense of authenticity.

Like when:

I saw the opera, The Marriage of Figaro, and I think I may see its prequel, The Barber of Seville soon.  Thank you Natalie.  I set a personal RECORD of NINE nights in a row out dancing.  I was that freaking guy who pulled back open the doors to squeeze onto a train.  What's worse is that it was for a girl. My new friend Yu-Han Chen and I have been playing music in Central Park for the past six or so weeks and usually make about $22 the hour, which is fun.  We always draw a crowd together and once I drew a crowd solo in a café at 3 in the morning with some friends.  I have had worldly conversations with professors and homeless.  I am proficient at avoiding being “doored” in Brooklyn on a bike.  I have been cursed at and cursed at traffic which made me laugh later on both times.  I have met some pretty girls and made many friends.  I even got to be a tourist for the first time when Lucas came into town and we did some photo/video outings.  Thanks man.

I got a job as a clerk in Washington Heights in a little corner pharmacy.  I took it because work was slow with my Granddad and a friend got me the job.  I feel authentic as I get to use my Spanish, people here know my name, and the women call me “papi” and “mi amor.”

I started a new swing dance venue in Brooklyn on Wednesday with my dance partner Kate because there wasn't one before and my granddad doesn't charge me to use his bar.  I was surprised at the turnout.  12 people!! About half experienced dancers and half new.  I decided before that I would have been ok with at least 6- so I can definitely work with 12.  The event is called Jitterbugs Anonymous Brooklyn after that special club at UNM where my friends first taught me how to move.  I miss you guys and I hope I serve this sentiment well.

Weeks turn to months very quickly here, but this sense of authenticity is driving me to feel good about my New York time.   I am sure that in due time I will have a stronger sense of direction and maybe a clearer path, but for now I am finding much value in the simple pursuit of being present.

I hope when I am old, the lines in my face, like my Uncle Julius' will reflect the joy and elation from my youth, which from the looks of my lifestyle, will most likely be around for a long time, hopefully always.  How can one not be smiling more often than not when the weeks revolve so often around music and dance?